Top Ten...
- Top Ten Lists
- Top More Than Ten Lists:
- Command 302: Winning in No-Win Situations
- Communications 101: Opening Hailing Frequencies
- Space Law 206: Avoiding Court-Martial
- Navigation 101: Standard Orbits
- Philosophy 203: Why All Major Systems Fail at the Same Time
- Command 255: Choosing Minor Landing Party Members Who Will Die
- Astrophysics 199: Recognizing Unknown Phenomenon
- Command 309: Creative Obedience to Starfleet Orders
- Engineering 422: Making Radical Technological Advances Under Time Pressure
- Space Law 499: The Prime Directive and How to get around it
- Everybody act like Riker is the captain
- Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being
- Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate
- Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer
- Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him
- Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom to play garbled voices
- Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults
- Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth
- Put a sign on Worf's back that says "K'ick Me!"
- Yell into your communicator "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsing"
- O'Brien would say "Thank you for using the Federation Express transporter. When you absolutely, positively have to get there instantly"
- Starfleet uniforms would carry Pepsi logos and say "Pepsi, the choice of the Next Generation
- Main bridge viewscreen would have "VH1" in the corner
- Holodeck doors would say Sony Trinitron System
- Communicator pins would be in the shape of an alligator
- Mercedes symbol painted on the saucer section
- Turbolifts would have "OTIS ELEVATOR" signs
- Ten-Forward would have a large neon "Miller Litespeed" sign
- After communicator beeps, a voice says, "Thank you for using AT&T"
- Enterprise name changed to American Express Enterprise
- Tell her "Your ears canna stan the strain!"
- Vulcan Neck Pinch
- Have an Android made of her then when she starts speaking tell her to "Shut Up!" (See, "I, Mudd" - TOS episode)
- Wave Phaser in her face and tell her you will stun her with it.
- Use transporter to split her into two seperate personalities. Phaser Evil Girlfriend and keep Good Girlfriend. (See, "The Enemy Within" - TOS episode)
- Tell her you're watching the episode where Picard gets naked.
- Ask if she wants to see the Picard Maneuver
- Try, "Computer - End Program"
- Tell her she's in violation of the Prime Directive and she is interfering with a lesser developed civilization.
- Borg her.
- You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
- You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
- You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise..
- Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and torture you for information.
- You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.
- Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J. Hooker and Capt. Kirk.
- You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
- You have no life.
- You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
- You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you calculated for the planet Vulcan.
- "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
- "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
- "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
- "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
- "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
- "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
- "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
- "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
- "We brake for cubes!"
- "Wesley On Board!"
Best bumper sticker on Borg ship:
"Blonde Borgs have the same fun."
- Troi would not comprehend their emotions: "Captain, I sense...whoo! whoo! ...You numbskull.... Why, I oughta..."
- Riker will be reduced to tears when they call him "Fat Boy."
- Transporter. Cream pie. You get the picture.
- Curly could jam turbolifts with his head, rendering security unable to leave their deck.
- Larry, Moe and Curly have already been where no man has been before.
- The enterprise crew will be mesmerized by Curly as he does the curly shuffle, and Moe and Larry will take control of the enterprise.
- Wesley won't be there to save the Enterprise in the last few minutes with something he learned in science class.
- Picard doesn't know the block.
- If Curly can take a led pipe to the head, he's just going to laugh at a fazer on stun.
- Any stooge can outrun Enterprise security.
- Combination paperweight/stapler for Picard's desk
- The ball in Parisis' Squares
- Hood ornament for Shuttlecraft
- Replace Troi's broken Chia Pet
- Scare blind students in Braille class
- Prop open doors for maintainence crews
- Lawn decoration in Arboreteum
- Footstool for Captain's chair
- entertaining kids in day care puppet show
- Scare Alexander into doing chores
- Send to doctor that killed Crystalline entity as gag gift
- Decorative air filter in picard's fish tank
- Send to Starfleet Android research center so they can get "ahead" in research
- Trade to Ferengi for Star Trek Hologram cards
- Two words: tether ball
- Keep Worf's coffee table from shaking
- Centerpiece in Ten Forward buffet
- Donate to Starfleet Academny to be head of the class
- Use as nutcracker at Christmas time
and the number one use for Data's detached head...
- Prove to insurance company he died so crew can collect on his life insurance policy
- Saying "make it so" in casual conversation
- Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
- Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first
- More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer
- Have figured out the stardate system
- Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra
- Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol
- The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams
- Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory"
- Memorization of the crew's authorization codes
- Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface
- Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments
- Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint
- Understanding Klingon
- Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work
- Playing fizzbin and understanding it
- "The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece of writing and dramatic stylistics
- Paying rapt attention during those endless special effects sequences in ST:TMP
- Inexplicable rock-climbing urges
- More than three original episode outlines buried in your drawers
- The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
- The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly alright.
- Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works properly.
- The crew of the Enterprise discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.
- The crew of the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
- The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
- The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
- An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
- A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
- The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
- The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
- A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
- The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
- Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
- Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
- The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
- Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.
- Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
- Most things that are new or in some way unexpected.
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