English Department, Fall 1994
English Composition 102/103 Entrance Essay:
Writing Assignment: Every community (city, town, village or neighborhood) has problems that concern its residents or constituents. Using examples and details, explain one particular problem that affects your home community and discuss the merits of possible solutions.
(Note: since I was evaluating the comments on this paper with another professor, I have included {my professor's comments} as well as [my responses and other comments].
Ryan Herbert
ENGL 103.04
[Also only draft]
When the freshman guys were being introduced to the rules and regulations of the university, [Dean of Students] Woody Webb kept referring to [Freshman dorm] Chapman Hall as "a community." And, as with every community, the freshman dorm has its problems. One of these problems is the bathrooms. In the Chapman bathrooms, water supply problems, shower size, and a lack of toilet paper plague the community. {decent intro for an in-class paper! good job}
Although the problem of water supply can get one jumping around in the morning, it is a nuisance. The temperature of the showers is constantly fluctuating. When someone flushes a toilet, all the cold water goes to the toilet, leaving only searing hot water for the showers. Everyone must leap from the shower stream to prevent serious burns. However, many solutions are available. The hall director could regulate the times that toilets and showers could be used by alternating allowable times. {Any counter arguments to this?} [No, but Counter Arguments sounds like an excellent name for a band] The janitorial staff could fill large buckets of water for sponge baths, and if this is too much trouble, water from the toilets could be used. {for sponge baths?? Yuk!} Lastly, they could follow the lead of many camps and remove the hot water from the showers altogether. {You are joking - ok - ok - I don't read many papers which are humorous. I'm slow. Maybe try to set the tone earlier.} [I have been speaking tongue in cheek the whole time. What's she talking about?]
Another problem is the size of the showers. Four shower heads are in each shower, with two on one wall and one on each wall adjacent to the first wall. If all four shower heads were used, one showerer would constantly be bumping his neighbor. The space allotted is only feasible for two people at once. Therefore, removing two of the shower heads would solve the problem. If more shower space was desired, the staff could convert one four-man room into a large shower. If that still is not enough, the hallway could be converted into a shower by simply installing fire sprinklers and pulling the fire alarm.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, is the problem of the lack of toilet paper. This is a serious nuisance, especially after the Freshmen won the prune juice drinking contest at Ollies' Follies [an annual competition between the classes at the beginning of the year comprising various athletic and talent competitions]. {You are sick and need help!} If someone wants to use the bathroom and there is not any toilet paper, he is forced to resort to his own devices. Many solutions are apparent for this problem. Students could be rationed toilet paper, or a member of the custodial staff could hand it out at the door. If cheap toilet paper, commonly called "sandpaper," was used, no one could use it and therefore plentiful amounts would always be available. Finally, profits from monetary fines could be used to buy more toilet paper.
Although Chapman has its problems, it is home to the freshman guys. If these problems were to be corrected, Chapman would be paradise. These brave young men need to stick together as a community and try to correct these problems. {nice circle} [What, no comment on my excellent use of the subjunctive?! By the way, the only reason I knew about the subjunctive tense was because Señora Mundall made us learn it in English before we learned it in Spanish.]
See other papers and read the plagiarism notice.